Hard day

Ugh, yesterday sucked. What should have been a happy fun day was not. It was my one year anniversary. I spent it in a hospital.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did. Hopefully my husband can get the help he needs for a problem he doesn't want to admit he has. Hell, I didn't want to admit it. He's never acted this way in the three years that I've known him. I'm hoping that he starts talking to the doctors soon. I had him convinced to last night. The paranoia that is haunting him is downright scary. He has accused me of everything from being a cop to faking this pregnancy. He almost got us killed in a car accident.

I am pretty convinced that he's in a manic phase of bipolar disorder. Only time, and doctors will tell. I wish I had seen it for what it was earlier, maybe it wouldn't have taken such drastic measures, but I didn't know. I am very lucky. He knew something was wrong, and he knew he needed to go to the hospital. He went willingly, although by the time we went, he could barely move under his own power. He acted as though he were in physical pain. I had to leave him there. That was, by far, the hardest thing I've ever done. I left in tears and headed to my parents' house. I wasn't ready to come home yet. From there, I spoke with the psych nurse several times. Kyle wouldn't talk to anyone, she told him that he was the worst case they had seen in a while. He was lying on a bed crying, nothing he said was discernible. She thought it would be wise for me to go ahead and fill out a petition, just in case he tried to leave. I agreed. There was no way I thought he should be anywhere but where he was.

I drove back to fill out the paperwork, and the psych nurse surprised me. She told me that if I was ok with it, I should talk to Kyle, and I should try to talk him into being cooperative and accepting treatment. Of course I was agreeable. I want to see my husband get better. I went in to see him, he saw me and started sobbing. We got him into a small private room, and all he would say is, "I want to go home." I told him he couldn't, that I thought he was going to hurt himself. We talked for a while and I was able to get him to stop crying. The nurse came in and asked him if he wanted treatment. He consented, and I sighed relief. The other nurse came in a few minutes later and offered him Zyprexa for the psychotic effects he was having. About 20 minutes later, I saw my husband for the first time in 5 days. We had a good conversation. I was even able to make him smile. I thought it was going to be hard to leave him again, and I dreaded it from the start. The Zyprexa made him very sleepy though, and I asked him if he was ready for bed. He was. I walked him over to the bed and tucked him in, kissed him goodnight and left.

This next few days is going to be hard. Luckily we have a great support system. My mom stayed with me last night, his mom will be here tonight. This is a long, rough road, but we are a strong couple, and I know we will get through it. As I told Kyle last night, it's a big bump, but we need to get in the truck and run it the fuck over.

A Delayed Thanksgiving Post

I've never really been a huge fan of Thanksgiving. I think it has something to do with a holiday that revolves around food and a weight problem that I've been fighting since I was 8. This year felt different. This year I eagerly approached the holiday. Maybe it was the prospect of smoked turkey, maybe it was the thought of a snow filled holiday.


Or maybe, just maybe, it was the small bundle growing rapidly in my belly.

Something beautiful to remind me that there is something to be thankful for. I had a blast this weekend. I haven't enjoyed Thanksgiving that much in a long time, maybe ever. We were surrounded by friends and family,

pets,

and kids.

It was a house full of love and laughter, and now, I can't wait until next year. On a side note, I ate enough to feed 6 cows and only gained one pound.

The Sewing Bitch

For those of you who don't know, I'm a member of the SCA. I dress up in renaissance garb, hang out with friends, and watch my husband gear up in armor and fight his ass off.



Rather than spend exorbitant prices for my dresses, and my hubby's clothes, I've decided to sew my own garb. It has been an interesting road, one filled with beer (before I was pregnant), lots of F-bombs, and many hours of ripping out seams. It's also been fun. I've found something that I seem to have a natural talent for, and every time I make something new, I see a bit of improvement. I found the last set of dresses I made here. These internet patterns were fairly easy to read and easy to assemble. I have found a couple of things that I will change when I make the apron dress again. The underdress took me two tries, as the given measurements didn't compensate for my boobs. Luckily, it was so easy that it only took me a couple of hours to whip out after getting better fabric yesterday. Here is a pic of the two unfinished products.


I have since added straps to the outer dress, done both necklines, and hemmed both. I surprisingly got a lot accomplished today despite a case of the screaming shits that knocked me flat on my ass for a few hours.

My Thoughts on Cable

I have to say, I find cable television to be a complete waste of time. So many people, even with families, go to work, come home, cook dinner, and then plop in front of the television before going to bed. I don't understand being a slave to a TV show. Or several.

I haven't had cable in 2 1/2 years. I am amazed at the number of people that don't understand what I "do." Or those that ask, "Well, what do you watch?" The answer. What ever I feel like it, when and if I feel like it. I do pay for netflix, and if I am inclined, I watch TV on there. If I watch something, it's just for an hour or so, then I move on with my life. Hell, half the time people sit in front of the TV even when there's "nothing on." Then what the hell are you doing watching it?!?!? Go outside, play with your kids or pets, talk to your spouse, have sex. There's so much more you can do with your time!!!!

Rowan says hi!

He looks so much like Kyle it's scary

I think it's trying to kill me

Holy crap. Are you sure you can't die of nausea? I haven't actually thrown up yet, but I kind of wish I would. I think I would actually feel better than I do right now...ugh.

Interesting...

This is not common knowledge yet, we haven't told anyone. I'll let everyone know when this subject is "safe" for public discussion, i.e: facebook, etc.

We're excited. It only took two months of trying and here we are. I'll write more later when I'm alone.