It's been a while. Through seas of depression, and school and work, I haven't had time to visit this little place in some time. I have missed it. I think that I am finally in a place where I can come here again and be honest. There is much change happening in my life.
First, I am getting divorced. Yes, there I've said it. I still can't say my husband's name without getting nauseous or making a face. He cheated. Over a year ago. I found out in September and still tried to make it work. I really meant it when I said my vows. Well, mistrust won out, and here I sit. I moved out in early March. In with my parents, then out again at the end of the month. As a nurse, at least I can afford my own place, even if it's a bit excessive :).
The cheating wasn't the only thing. He demanded that I do all of the housework. He always had some reason that he couldn't help. School was too demanding, and then work. I had thought things would change when we were out of school. how wrong I was.
and yet this is all ok. I am glad I went through it, as it was a very humbling experience. I have my Rowan, whom I wouldn't trade for the world. I have a new appreciation for life now. I feel like before, I was very superficial, very shallow. Now I know that the shallow life is not a good way to live. I want love in my life again, and should it be, more children.
In the last few weeks, I have connected with someone in a way that I didn't know was possible. Yes, over the past four years, we have always had a connection. Yes, I would see pictures of him and wonder why I couldn't have someone like him in my life, or why Kyle couldn't be more like him. Well, Kyle has been removed from my life, luckily at a time when James and I can be together. There is no more wondering, no more "what if" it just is. Now that I have let him in, I've fallen in love quickly and easily, the way things should be.
Life is moving forward. There is no looking back.