Friday, May 17, 2013

Winds of Change

It's been a while.  Through seas of depression, and school and work, I haven't had time to visit this little place in some time.  I have missed it.  I think that I am finally in a place where I can come here again and be honest.  There is much change happening in my life.

First, I am getting divorced.  Yes, there I've said it.  I still can't say my husband's name without getting nauseous or making a face.  He cheated.  Over a year ago.  I found out in September and still tried to make it work.  I really meant it when I said my vows.  Well, mistrust won out, and here I sit.  I moved out in early March.  In with my parents, then out again at the end of the month.  As a nurse, at least I can afford my own place, even if it's a bit excessive :).

The cheating wasn't the only thing.  He demanded that I do all of the housework.  He always had some reason that he couldn't help.  School was too demanding, and then work.  I had thought things would change when we were out of school.  how wrong I was.

and yet this is all ok.  I am glad I went through it, as it was a very humbling experience.  I have my Rowan, whom I wouldn't trade for the world.  I have a new appreciation for life now.  I feel like before, I was very superficial, very shallow.  Now I know that the shallow life is not a good way to live.  I want love in my life again, and should it be, more children.

In the last few weeks, I have connected with someone in a way that I didn't know was possible.  Yes, over the past four years, we have always had a connection.  Yes, I would see pictures of him and wonder why I couldn't have someone like him in my life, or why Kyle couldn't be more like him.  Well, Kyle has been removed from my life, luckily at a time when James and I can be together.  There is no more wondering, no more "what if" it just is. Now that I have let him in, I've fallen in love quickly and easily, the way things should be.

Life is moving forward.  There is no looking back.